It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Actually, it's not at all. I'm totally ok with that. I just hope it dosen't meant that we'll have snow until next August. This last year we came close.

Christmas is a weird time for me. When I was little, there was such tradition involved. Go to Papa and Grandma's, open a present on the 24th, go to midnight mass, wake up to what Santa brought, call all the cousins and then make our various rounds. (Thank god everyone still lived in Price!) I loved it. When I moved to Salt Lake with my dad, that tradition was obviously shaken. But then a new one (sorta) picked up. We then went to my Nana and Grandpa Tony's on the 24th, and woke up to Santa's presents the next morning. After I moved out of my dad's house all tradition just stopped. I still go visit my mom sometimes. I have plans to go out to my dad's house at some point during the day on Thursday. But now Christmas is just kind of...blah. The last 3 years sucked. I put myself in a situation that alienated me from my family. By my choice. And that was stupid. Last year, I moved into my new apartment alone on December 22nd and was boycotting Christmas. I spent a little bit of time with my mom and then I went home early and sat by myself listening to the Beatles on the Arrow all day long. And wallowed in self pity. I wasn't sad because of the situation I had just gotten myself out of. That was actually what I was happiest about last year. I was just...sad. I felt very disconnected last year. I guess it was by my choice. This year is not the same. I have a great relationship with both of my parents, my sister, and the majority of my family. I have a girlfriend who is incorperated in my whole life and that makes me so happy. I have a great group of friends who at times feel more like family. I am happy.

But today, I feel sad. I miss tradition. I miss being a little kid. I miss not feeling like an asshole because I'm too broke to buy EVERYONE a present this year. Remember how far a little bit of glitter and construction paper used to go? Hah.


Jess said...

Thanks for the lovely comment! Hopefully you'll come back and visit often.

I can totally relate to the weirdness that is Christmas sometimes. No matter how much I love the holiday season, it's a little bit like New Year's Eve or the 4th of July...the actual event is usually not as good as all the of the anticipation and build up. Probably why my favorite day of the season is actually Christmas Eve, because Christmas has started but you have a whole extra day before you have to come down off the month-long high.

Anonymous said...

maybe just maybe glitter and construction paper still makes a good gift!!!! :) I love you kylee dawn. You are just too cute for words! MUAH!